The Childfree Life

When having it all, means not having kids
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2018 8:45 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2018 8:37 am
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Location: England
Hey, I’m new to the forum and was recommended you guys by my boyfriend who got a vasectomy a few years ago. I have always known I don’t want kids. Many reasons, but mainly I just really don’t like them. I’m 28 now, and have heard it time and time again how “oh you’ll change your mind in a few years” and “oh just you wait. I’ll see you in 5 years with a handful of kids”... well what I want to know is how strong are these hormonal changes that affect us women? Are they so strong they will override my 28 years of absolute certainty I don’t want them? I’ve never wanted to go down the surgical route (admittedly I’ve not researched it so maybe it isn’t so bad) but if my hormones are going to betray me that strongly then maybe it’s something I need to look into.

Thanks folks!


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2018 9:52 am 
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Posts: 39
Pfffft they're a myth. If you haven't liked kids up to this point, you're not going to magically crave them out of the blue. Some women who get knocked up accidentally and were unsure/indifferent to having kids get hit with the Oxycontin cocktail once they give birth and end up loving their kid, but a good chunk of women don't get hit with it, or instead end up with post natal depression instead, so even then it's not guaranteed.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2018 10:07 am 
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Location: Ontario, Canada
I'm same as you - I strongly dislike children, knew I didn't want them from a very young age, and was repeatedly told "You'll grow up and change your mind", "Just wait until you hit 30!" etc. etc. I'm 35 now, and if anything, my resolve has only strengthened as I've gotten older. I didn't hit 30 and suddenly magically decide that I wanted to ruin my entire life by spawning.

Having an awesome community like TCFL has helped with that. I think I found this board when I was about your age, and it really helped me to learn that no, I wasn't going to automatically change my mind magically at some point. There are plenty of older folks on this board as well, who have no regrets in regards to their choice to not have children, and that helped put my mind at ease. FWIW, not having children is the best decision I've made in my life to date.

That all having been said - if you want to get sterilized, I say go for it. You know your own mind well enough to know what you do and don't want out of life.

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“I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money?” -Homer Simpson


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2018 10:20 am 
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Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 6:01 am
Posts: 102
Location: UK
I've been childfree from as far back as I can remember. I used to think there was something wrong with me, when as a teenager my friends would talk about how many babies they were going to have. I thought that maybe I was a late developer and that my hormones would catch up (whilst hoping desperately that they wouldn't). Needless to say it was just who I was - absolutely no interest in being a mother. I'm now in my fifties, happily married for 30 years and have never considered parenthood for one second. Its sounds like you are genuinely childfree (because you're worrying about your hormones affecting your judgement!) so I would say don't worry too much, just enjoy the fact that you have the freedom to choose.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2018 11:03 am 
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Location: UK
As Herbaceous has said there are plenty of older folks on this board, I'm nearly 57 and one thing I can categorically say is I have never, ever, not ever, not for one nanosecond, felt a 'baby pang' or even questioned how I feel or what I want. Not once!!

One of the great things about being 57 is that I don't have to worry about fertility anymore, my ovaries are dried up husks, just the way I like them! :D

I was born knowing I didn't want kids and nothing has ever dented my resolve in the slightest. As has been said, it's bollocks spewed out by the 'misery loves company' brigade who just want to drag you down to their level.

Funnily enough I know more than a few couples of my age group who couldn't have kids, typically they've said 'we were sad about it at the time, but lawdy are we glad we couldn't have kids now'....Also you'll find it's not uncommon for older parents to respond with 'good for you, if I my time again I wouldn't have kids either...'

I've found there's two groups of people who nag you about kids; parents with young kids (before they've experienced the teenage years) and lonely older parents. Both of which are undergoing their own emotional and hormonal issues and therefore can't be trusted with giving an objective view.

But in short, your hormones won't betray you and there's no internal battle to be fought....The only battle will be trying to hold your temper and not telling people to fuck right off and keep their noses out of your uterus.

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Too bright to breed


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2018 6:38 pm 
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Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2018 11:34 am
Posts: 435
I'm 44 and haven't really had any regrets or baby rabies or anything. I kept hearing "oh once you hit your late 20s it'll happen...by 30s it'll really kick in".

Nope. Nada.

I firmly believe that the biological clock is a social construct invented to explain away the fact that women's sex drives often tick upward in their 30s due to shifting hormones. Women with sex drives? Le gasp! No, it must be that they want babies! And as medical science found out more about fertility and how it declines after 30ish, women have been made very aware of when it's closing time in the egg aisle. Anyone who lands on the parent side of the fence after 30 was probably not completely solidly CF to begin with.

I wasn't an early articulator...I made up my mind at about 19...but I was never super gung ho about the whole marriage and kids thing myself. I shocked the hell out of myself by getting married before 30, but I'd always been take-it-or-leave-it about marriage. Kids...I'd never seen what was so awesome about having them. It seemed to me that just as you hit the awesome stage of life where you can live on your own and have pets and go on adventures and be in charge of yourself....you just give that up for kids? No thanks.

P.S. Congrats to your bf on the vasectomy.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2018 5:17 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2018 8:37 am
Posts: 2
Location: England
Thank you everyone. Feeling a lot of relief right now! It helps being with someone else who is so adamant he doesn’t want kids and now can’t have them. Means I don’t have to worry about the whole contraceptive hormonal thing and it also brought the topic to the forefront of my mind a bit more. Something I’d always known but never really articulated until meeting him.

Also I totally agree that women biologically having to have babies at the same time as moving into their own place, getting pets and travelling seems crazy! I think biology should’ve made us most fertile at 70 ;) love our lives and then have the wisdom and knowledge to pass onto offspring. Would also help keep the population down cos I can’t imagine many people wanting sprogs at 70!!


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2018 6:29 am 
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I'll also add my wife to the group of women who never, not once, even for a nanosecond, wanted a kid, and she's now 55.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2018 12:16 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2018 7:17 pm
Posts: 8
Location: Michigan, US
There is no biological clock. That is an absolute myth. There are lots of links about it on r/childfree. I'm 28 too and I've never wanted kids, and never will. I've "gone the surgical route", it doesn't affect your hormones either, that's another myth. I had the surgery nearly five years ago. Now I want to get an endometrial ablation.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 18, 2019 5:22 pm 
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What surgery did you have, ketchup?


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