QG it sounds as if you are trying to find some way of lending the money, or that you feel you have some sort of obligation. Would it not be appropriate to just say that you won't be giving the woman any money because of her track record? Who could argue with that?
Absolutely not. I DO NOT want anything to do with this scheme. I feel no sense of obligation. I'm trying to talk through potential responses to DH, who is feeling a smidge of obligation because his brother is dead. Or, at least was, until last night, I think. We spent the evening w/ his cousins, who are well aware of this shit show. His one cousin said, "What are you THNKING? Just say No!" I know this is on DH's mind. He said that if we signed this loan, he would worry every month for the next 20 years if niece was going to make her payment. He also knows that this would add at least 2 years to his retirement date, since we know niece would probably default. And he wants to retire, like yesterday. He also said how SIL told him how she was putting away all of BIL's life insurance for niece, but then she blew threw it taking vacations and buying a horse. THE MONEY WAS THERE. His cousin asked him what would happen to his relationship with SIL/niece if we said no. He said it wouldn't change since it can't get any worse. Cousin said, "Well, there you go." He knows exactly where I stand. And that is completely against this. I love DH, but this is kinda a deal breaker.