The Childfree Life

When having it all, means not having kids
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 Post subject: Re: My despicable SIL
PostPosted: Thu Jul 11, 2019 9:41 am 
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I just wouldn't agree to it, fullstop. You won't hear the end of it if you decline ... but you'll never hear the end of it if you say yes either.

Way better to let "No" be a complete sentence, and cut her out of your life. You don't have a relationship with the girls anyway, and as long as SIL is around, you never will. I'd write it off as a total loss and stay well out of the drama.

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 Post subject: Re: My despicable SIL
PostPosted: Thu Jul 11, 2019 9:42 am 
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I'm with Alicorn. Discretion is the better part of valor here. You don't need that headache.

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 Post subject: Re: My despicable SIL
PostPosted: Thu Jul 11, 2019 10:22 am 
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I would say no as well. I would sooner make a deal with the devil than with your SIL.


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 Post subject: Re: My despicable SIL
PostPosted: Thu Jul 11, 2019 11:49 am 
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Location: UK
QG it sounds as if you are trying to find some way of lending the money, or that you feel you have some sort of obligation. Would it not be appropriate to just say that you won't be giving the woman any money because of her track record? Who could argue with that?


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 Post subject: Re: My despicable SIL
PostPosted: Thu Jul 11, 2019 12:18 pm 
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Yeah, I wouldn't consider this, even with collateral. The financial aspect is part of it, but it's that it continued the attachment, and not in a good way.

I've seen things kinda sorta the same play out in both my family and my wife's, and they were all on generally good terms - let alone a relationship where someone is just looking for a reason to make your life hell.

That property would become like a kid in a bad divorce - just a way to continue fighting.

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 Post subject: Re: My despicable SIL
PostPosted: Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:00 pm 
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I just noticed the "expensive private school" part. I would give her a brochure for the local community college, and call it a day.


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 Post subject: Re: My despicable SIL
PostPosted: Thu Jul 11, 2019 11:22 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 17, 2019 7:59 pm
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I would be saying no to.

However they could use the equity in the lake house to get a loan for college and then your Niece could pay back the loan by getting a part time job or do rentals during the summer and use that money to repay the debt. Or they could sell the lake house.

However they don't want to do that, they don't want to put themselves out, they want to put you out and spend your money, which you'll probably never get back.

Just say no. Distance yourself from the problem.


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 Post subject: Re: My despicable SIL
PostPosted: Fri Jul 12, 2019 4:28 pm 
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Quote:
QG it sounds as if you are trying to find some way of lending the money, or that you feel you have some sort of obligation. Would it not be appropriate to just say that you won't be giving the woman any money because of her track record? Who could argue with that?
Absolutely not. I DO NOT want anything to do with this scheme. I feel no sense of obligation. I'm trying to talk through potential responses to DH, who is feeling a smidge of obligation because his brother is dead. Or, at least was, until last night, I think. We spent the evening w/ his cousins, who are well aware of this shit show. His one cousin said, "What are you THNKING? Just say No!" I know this is on DH's mind. He said that if we signed this loan, he would worry every month for the next 20 years if niece was going to make her payment. He also knows that this would add at least 2 years to his retirement date, since we know niece would probably default. And he wants to retire, like yesterday. He also said how SIL told him how she was putting away all of BIL's life insurance for niece, but then she blew threw it taking vacations and buying a horse. THE MONEY WAS THERE. His cousin asked him what would happen to his relationship with SIL/niece if we said no. He said it wouldn't change since it can't get any worse. Cousin said, "Well, there you go." He knows exactly where I stand. And that is completely against this. I love DH, but this is kinda a deal breaker.


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 Post subject: Re: My despicable SIL
PostPosted: Sat Jul 13, 2019 3:38 am 
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Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 6:01 am
Posts: 91
Location: UK
^ QG, your husband sounds like a nice guy. Thankfully he has you (and others) thinking with the head and not the heart!


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 Post subject: Re: My despicable SIL
PostPosted: Sat Jul 13, 2019 7:23 am 
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Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2019 10:30 am
Posts: 28
I hope you can both agree to just walk away from this. I don't really understand how the college/university system works in the United States, but I suspect a private college is a privilege, not a necessity, and there are plenty of other options for this young woman to receive an education that won't require you to ruin your lives. All I can think of to say is, stay far away from this scenario. It is not worth it.


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