Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to let me know that! I feel your words so deeply in my heart! And most of all, even 5 years on, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Zoot and I so wish we were given more time with our fur babes. I'm so glad you've had your two kitties for the last five years to help honor his memory!
I feel like a common misconception for CL people is that because we don't want kids we are lacking in the love or attachment department, and I feel that is not the case whatsoever. We still have all that love, we just put it into our furry babies instead (better ROI in my opinion
). It's actually one of the leading reasons we chose to be CF - and this was absolutely validated when we lost Bo - the all-consuming, soul-crushing pain of losing a loved pet is enough, I couldn't imagine having to suffer through the loss of a child. My husband has an aunt and uncle whose daughter disappeared while sailing over 10 years ago now. They never found her or any evidence of their boat. It crushed his aunt and uncle for so many years and only now are they even close to trying to have a life without her, but they will obviously never be the same. And that's WITH other surviving children. I have a friend of a friend whose 10 month old baby just suddenly stopped breathing last year and passed away. The friend that I knew was his grandma, he was her first grandchild, and just watching her via social media you could feel that utter devastation. As I mentioned in my original post, I'm not good with loss, I'm a very emotionally reserved person, so if losing my fur babies crushes me the way it does, I don't think I'd ever be able to recover from losing a child. September will be a year since we lost our boy and I still cry; I cried while writing the original post and reliving it, I cried recently reaching out to someone on social media who just went through something very similar and lost her kitty, I cry sometimes just sitting in my hammock in the yard knowing that he should be laying there right beside me. I think I've accepted at this point it's something that I may never 'get over' or heal from and am just grateful that each day gets a bit easier to manage that pain.
And I am the same way; I guess I would identify more as an agnostic more because I've always been absolutely obsessed with the ancient gods ie Egyptian, Roman, Norse mythology etc. I've always been far more inclined to believe that IF there were a high power it wouldn't be just one
power, that it would be many, and they wouldn't embody this "perfect" creature, they would be flawed and a mix of good and bad, just like us. But I believe that everything happens for a reason and that things come into our life (and leave) when we need it most and are most prepared to handle it, even if we don't see that ourselves. I believe when the time is right, the opportunity for us to get a new fur babe will present itself and we'll know it was meant to be, just like we did when we got Bo. Tempest is a wise woman and that is an amazing sentiment! I know when the time comes the new fur baby is going to help me heal a lot as well, even if it's intermingled with some guilt at first. And now that so long has passed since we lost Bo, it really is a stark reminder every day that we need pets around. They're such a pure source of love and vitality and happiness.
For now, I am at least blessed enough to still have my cat Tom. Sure, he's the world's biggest asshole and he has some SERIOUS behavioral problems due to his schizophrenia, but I think it would have A) been a lot harder to handle Bo's passing if we had to come home to a TOTALLY empty house every day and B) probably been the nail in my coffin if I had lost him with his bladder stone scare the month after. Even if Tom is only a sweetheart 2% of the time, he's still MY sweetheart and that 2% is enough to override the dickish 98% (most of the time anyway lol). He's not overly loving or affectionate, but I can relate to that and by respecting his boundaries he is a lot closer to me than he is anyone else, even Mr. Benjis. At the end of the day, I know that he would have been surrendered back to the shelter multiple times and probably put down if it wasn't for us; raising him was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced due to his problems but I wouldn't trade him for the world. I feel if nothing else, loss makes you more grateful for what you do have, and for each and every day we have with our loved ones, furry or not.