The Childfree Life

When having it all, means not having kids
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2018 4:41 pm 
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I've never been raped, or even assaulted at all, yet it seems that I've done a lot in my life that should have led to both.

I've been camping with guys, gone on business trips with men, had lunches and dinners with men, ridden in cars with men, ridden on trains with men, flown on planes sitting next to men, been at the gym with all men, and been in stores with mostly men. Never been raped, never been sexually assaulted, rarely even get hit on. I doubt it's all because I'm "formidable", but rather than most men I've encountered aren't going around raping and assaulting women.

In fact, just recently, I was at home alone for two days, whilst about four to six guys have been rewiring my house, and plastering some walls. They even had a shit ton of wire with them to tie me up with, and all of them are much stronger than me. No rapes though. Come to think of it, I was probably the one struggling most to keep my hands to myself, because goddamn is one of the younger electricians positively smoking. I suppose I could just act on my fantasies and then blame him for being stupid hot, wearing that tool belt, having a great ass, and hanging out in my house. I mean, what did he think was going to happen? Seriously though, I guess I was just really lucky that the guys didn't take advantage of me, as I invited them into my house after all.
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a real conservative woman doesn't go whoring around with boys.
:lol: :lol: :lol: Boy, do they ever! They're also far more likely to get knocked up by said boys, and become teen moms too.

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_ ... moms_.html


Last edited by CFinNY on Mon Oct 01, 2018 4:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2018 4:52 pm 
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After reading all this, I'm now afraid to be alone with my best friend Charles. It'll likely end up in some kind of simultaneous two-way multi-rape. It's inevitable.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2018 5:07 pm 
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If she said "yes" to every guy at that party, she can't expect her "no" to be taken seriously. If you slept with 100 guys willingly, the 101st won't accept your refusal. That's just how it works. It's not what she "deserved", but we don't get what we deserve. We get what we get.
If you give blood ten times, you can still refuse to give it passed out at the hospital even if someone with your blood type is bleeding out right next to you. It's bodily autonomy. No one has any right to you no matter how many times you've said yes before. That's why marital rape and date rape are charges now. Because implied consent is not actual consent.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2018 9:56 pm 
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Location: Michigan, US
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I think people have been a little unfair to ketchup and have missed the context of her background, it is true that rape and sexual assault in India is commonplace and men are rarely , if at all, held accountable or responsible. No one is saying it's right or acceptable, just that's the way it is there...and that colours the perception of women.

https://edition.cnn.com/2018/06/25/heal ... index.html
I don't live in India, and I never have. I was born in the US. I was talking about the Indian American community. However, what you said still applies completely. Rape and sexual assault are commonplace and just a part of life for Indian American women. In fact, I personally have known several Indian American women who were threatened with honor killing after being raped. Thankfully, all escaped their families and were not murdered.
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@ketchup

Alicorn wasn't talking about Tinder in the context of someone brought up in India or with the mores and values of living in that community. Tinder was used as a metaphor for the type of society (i.e. western) where you can call up a sexual partner by just tapping an app and what that can do to someone's perception of sex being 'on tap' anytime, anywhere.

Also, I believe she was questioning her own thoughts and potential double standards about a hypothetical son, thinking out loud as it were.
Indian Americans don't use tinder, by and large, and we have a rampant sexual assault/rape culture in our community. It has nothing to do with tinder. Sex on tap culture has nothing to do with the entitlement and sense of ownership Indian men have over women.

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If you give blood ten times, you can still refuse to give it passed out at the hospital even if someone with your blood type is bleeding out right next to you. It's bodily autonomy. No one has any right to you no matter how many times you've said yes before. That's why marital rape and date rape are charges now. Because implied consent is not actual consent.
In a medical context, yes. In a sexual context, no. Continuous/ongoing consent only applies in a medical context.

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I've never been raped, or even assaulted at all, yet it seems that I've done a lot in my life that should have led to both.

I've been camping with guys, gone on business trips with men, had lunches and dinners with men, ridden in cars with men, ridden on trains with men, flown on planes sitting next to men, been at the gym with all men, and been in stores with mostly men. Never been raped, never been sexually assaulted, rarely even get hit on. I doubt it's all because I'm "formidable", but rather than most men I've encountered aren't going around raping and assaulting women.

In fact, just recently, I was at home alone for two days, whilst about four to six guys have been rewiring my house, and plastering some walls. They even had a shit ton of wire with them to tie me up with, and all of them are much stronger than me. No rapes though. Come to think of it, I was probably the one struggling most to keep my hands to myself, because goddamn is one of the younger electricians positively smoking. I suppose I could just act on my fantasies and then blame him for being stupid hot, wearing that tool belt, having a great ass, and hanging out in my house. I mean, what did he think was going to happen? Seriously though, I guess I was just really lucky that the guys didn't take advantage of me, as I invited them into my house after all
If you got raped, seeing the world through my lenses, I'd have to ask myself why you put yourself in that situation to begin with. I know it sounds like victim blaming, but I just can't help but question these things.
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Quote:
a real conservative woman doesn't go whoring around with boys.
:lol: :lol: :lol: Boy, do they ever! They're also far more likely to get knocked up by said boys, and become teen moms too.

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_ ... moms_.html
Then they are hardly conservatives.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2018 11:59 pm 
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If it sounds like victim-blaming, it's because it is. Your culture sounds revolting misogynistic -- and so do you, since you seem to be agreeing with its premises. Nasty.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2018 2:08 am 
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Location: UK
Ketchup, do you think that the attitudes and actions of the male culture of your society should be the target of your criticism, rather than blaming the females for their fate?


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2018 4:12 am 
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When I did all those things, I wasn't drinking, nor was I with strange guys at a house party where people were expecting to get laid. But, hey, it's no skin off my nose if you don't want to step foot outside your house for fear of rape. If you want to buy into blaming yourself if you get raped for using the gym when there's only another man or two there, then, yeah, it will be your fault. You supported the cultural attitudes that allowed it, so you get to own it.

Oh, and ketchup - way to totally take my quote out of context there, Broseph. I was talking about women, and men for that matter, getting blotto at house parties. I wasn't talking about men and women walking from the store to their cars, or ridi.ng the subway train, or sitting on park benches. But I guess if you're cool with your misfortune being your fault, you won't complain about white supremacist guys beating you up for being brown in public. I mean, you should know your place, dude, amirite?


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2018 10:25 am 
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Location: Ontario, Canada
Quote:
Continuous/ongoing consent only applies in a medical context.

This is completely incorrect. Legally, ethically, and morally, sexual consent must be informed, freely given, and ongoing. Consent can be withdrawn at any time. Again, this is not difficult.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2018 10:47 am 
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Asked my cousin, an attorney, about implied consent. His answer:

"There's little 'implied consent' outside of medical malpractice lawsuits, traffic stops, and use of electronic apps, etc. When you consent to surgery, you have given implied consent to life-saving measure unless you state otherwise. You drive, and you've consented to drunk driving tests in a stop. When you use facebook, you are agreeing to terms of service, etc. even without consent if they make changes and merely inform you of them. Implied consent is never a defense of criminal behavior. The guy you're talking about - he's going to get a rape/assault charge one day with that thinking. Can answer more later - in meetings right now"

He added:

"Also comes up in property law with trespassing, but only when usage has been long-standing, public knowledge and owner had opportunity to stop use but didn't. Like using shortcut through farmer's field to get to town. Def. not similar to rape/assault. Also consent can be withdrawn and use must stop otherwise risk trespass charge."


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2018 5:57 pm 
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Ketchup, do you think that the attitudes and actions of the male culture of your society should be the target of your criticism, rather than blaming the females for their fate?
Absolutely this. It's pointless to say that guys simply can't help themselves and that's the way it is, because we know that men hang out with women all day long in other places and nothing happens. As you point out, it's totally about the sense of entitlement that Indian men have over women, and that's bullshit. And I have a friend who gave me a real life example of this - she worked in a lab with an Indian exchange student when she was in university. They were doing an experiment and she corrected him on something, He took umbrage, cursed her out, and then looked her up and down and said "I can do anything I like with you. Remember that."

She leaned over and said "Go right ahead. I'll have you tried and jailed, and there's dudes in prison who would love ass-screwing an exotic little boy like you". That was the last of his attitude, but she reported the incident and asked for a new partner. Can't blame her for that, and I hope he didn't pull that shit on anyone else, although I'm sure he did.

Personally, if I was a dude, I would be pissed off if someone suggested that I wasn't in control of my dick. And I don't know why so many guys are ready to condone it in other men.

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