The Childfree Life

When having it all, means not having kids
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2018 10:25 am 
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It's weird, because as a boy/man, I've spent a lot of time alone with girls/women and I haven't raped one yet. I'm only 52, though, so maybe there's still time?
And I'm a transgender woman who has used the women's bathroom umpteen times without assaulting anyone. Stereotypes are dangerous.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2018 10:27 am 
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In a medical context, yes. In a sexual context, no. Continuous/ongoing consent only applies in a medical context.
I'm calling bullshit on this.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2018 12:12 am 
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Location: Michigan, US
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If it sounds like victim-blaming, it's because it is. Your culture sounds revolting misogynistic -- and so do you, since you seem to be agreeing with its premises. Nasty.
My culture? WTF do you know about my culture? I don't live in India, and I never have. I was born in the US. I was talking about the Indian American community specifically but my views are common in American society outside of that.

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Ketchup, do you think that the attitudes and actions of the male culture of your society should be the target of your criticism, rather than blaming the females for their fate?
My culture and my society? LOL. I don't live in India, and I never have. I was born in the US. I was talking about the Indian American community specifically but my views are common in American society outside of that. No, men should not be blamed for women's actions. Women need to take responsibility for their own actions and not blame men for everything they do wrong.

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When I did all those things, I wasn't drinking, nor was I with strange guys at a house party where people were expecting to get laid. But, hey, it's no skin off my nose if you don't want to step foot outside your house for fear of rape. If you want to buy into blaming yourself if you get raped for using the gym when there's only another man or two there, then, yeah, it will be your fault. You supported the cultural attitudes that allowed it, so you get to own it.

Oh, and ketchup - way to totally take my quote out of context there, Broseph. I was talking about women, and men for that matter, getting blotto at house parties. I wasn't talking about men and women walking from the store to their cars, or ridi.ng the subway train, or sitting on park benches. But I guess if you're cool with your misfortune being your fault, you won't complain about white supremacist guys beating you up for being brown in public. I mean, you should know your place, dude, amirite?
If I got raped or beaten up, and the latter I've been threatened with many times, I would take responsibility for my actions. I don't fear setting foot outside my house, I simply acknowledge the risk instead of shirking responsibility for it.

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This is completely incorrect. Legally, ethically, and morally, sexual consent must be informed, freely given, and ongoing. Consent can be withdrawn at any time. Again, this is not difficult.
You are completely incorrect. The law doesn't match up to liberal candyland fantasies. This is not difficult.

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It's weird, because as a boy/man, I've spent a lot of time alone with girls/women and I haven't raped one yet. I'm only 52, though, so maybe there's still time?
And I'm a transgender woman who has used the women's bathroom umpteen times without assaulting anyone. Stereotypes are dangerous.
Trans women are women. I've never been assaulted or felt threatened by a trans woman. I'm talking about men here. Doesn't apply to you.

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Ketchup, do you think that the attitudes and actions of the male culture of your society should be the target of your criticism, rather than blaming the females for their fate?
Absolutely this. It's pointless to say that guys simply can't help themselves and that's the way it is, because we know that men hang out with women all day long in other places and nothing happens. As you point out, it's totally about the sense of entitlement that Indian men have over women, and that's bullshit. And I have a friend who gave me a real life example of this - she worked in a lab with an Indian exchange student when she was in university. They were doing an experiment and she corrected him on something, He took umbrage, cursed her out, and then looked her up and down and said "I can do anything I like with you. Remember that."

She leaned over and said "Go right ahead. I'll have you tried and jailed, and there's dudes in prison who would love ass-screwing an exotic little boy like you". That was the last of his attitude, but she reported the incident and asked for a new partner. Can't blame her for that, and I hope he didn't pull that shit on anyone else, although I'm sure he did.

Personally, if I was a dude, I would be pissed off if someone suggested that I wasn't in control of my dick. And I don't know why so many guys are ready to condone it in other men.
Sounds like your friend has some attitude problems huh. The guy is absolutely right. Even here in the US, that's the popular attitude. Shut up or you'll get raped. I've been told that by white men too, not just Indian ones. This problem definitely exists in Indian culture but it's much more than that.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2018 5:39 am 
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The last you were posting nonsense about the sideboob epidemic at your workplace, everybody pretty much called you on your bullshit. You sound like you really don't get out much becuase your reality is pretty much not the case outside of religious cults. I am certainly a lot older than you, and I have worked with and known a lot of men. None of them would say that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Not even my husband's old school Italian grandfather held such views, and he didn't think women should be allowed to work outside the home.

Now, if you go around acting like a douche, and people want to kick your ass, that is wholly your fault. Being a douche to others is being personally offensive to others. Being an attractive woman in public is not doing anything personally to others. Jogging down the road is not an invitation to being raped anymore than sitting in your house watching TV is. You seem to think that being a woman in public is an invitation to whatever harm. Maybe in your case going outside is problematic because you are going about asking for an ass kicking. You claim to be a minority, and you should know that as misogynist as the US is, it's even more racist. You get beat up by some some white guys and it will be your fault. You assault a white woman and you'll be in prison for the rest of your life. White guys get passes. You won't. Alicorn's friend was right. The brown man who assaults a white woman will spend the rest of his life getting his asshole reamed out in prison. If you knew anything about reality in America, you'd know that.

Also, the law is not some "liberal candyland" construct. You're definitely not an attorney as you are absolutely incorrect in your assertions about consent. In fact, you were completely fucking wrong about consent as it applies in a medical context.


Last edited by CFinNY on Thu Oct 04, 2018 9:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2018 7:12 am 
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I don't know what world you are living in, ketchup, but I'm sure glad I don't live in it.

I find your worldview deeply insulting and sad on multiple levels.

Not only have I not experienced any threatening behavior from men in my entire 44 years of life, many of them are my closest friends and confidants. I work in a traditional "man's" field (although that is changing quickly which is nice). Yesterday as I was sitting in a small meeting room with 8 men and just me, it occurred to me that you would see this as a threatening situation while for me this is the most normal thing in the world, something I've been doing for decades. Never for a moment did I feel unsafe in this situation, nor should I.

Based on some of the things you wrote and have written in the past, ketchup, I struggle to believe you are a woman or even a normal man. I'm beginning to think you are one of those rare aberrant rape-y men that you keep referring to as normal and expected in your posts. Nothing else makes sense to me.

As for me, I will go on living my life. I go to the gym (with mostly men!), have male friends (gasp!), many male colleagues, a man I recently married who has not and would never harm a woman, and I don't walk around afraid or expecting abuse around every corner. You are a sad little person with those world views...

-Rowan


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2018 12:37 pm 
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Trans women are women. I've never been assaulted or felt threatened by a trans woman. I'm talking about men here. Doesn't apply to you.
You completely missed my point. You're stereotyping all men something fierce. So I responded with a stereotype I am subjected to and evidence that it's not true. Just like yours isn't.

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2018 7:13 am 
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This is completely incorrect. Legally, ethically, and morally, sexual consent must be informed, freely given, and ongoing. Consent can be withdrawn at any time. Again, this is not difficult.
You are completely incorrect. The law doesn't match up to liberal candyland fantasies. This is not difficult.
Herbaceous is actually speaking to American law, so I'm not sure what country you're living in, ketchup. There's a lot of liberal candyland fantasies I'd like to impose on our government (like equal pay!), but fortunately, consent has already been granted to me. Not all the men I've interacted with seemed to know that, and a few seemed to share your worldview, but men as a whole deserve better than to be treated as though they are brainless slaves to their genitals. Women are not objects, and your worldview is incredibly disappointing and sad.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2018 8:59 am 
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First of all, the accusations against Kavanaugh sound perfectly credible and plausible. I'm 10 years older than he is, but when I was at university and in student government I had to deal with these entitled wanabe athlete frat boys every day. I seriously doubt that much changed in the following decade. Plying a girl with alcohol with the expectation of being able to take advantage of her was considered to be SOP for them.

If in his late teens and early 20s he was a drunken lout who pushed and sometimes crossed the boundaries of what was considered acceptable at the time, that is unfortunate but I am willing to entertain the possibility that 35 years in the real adult world might have changed him. If, however, he was all of these things and then tries to deny it today, that would indicate that he hasn't changed much and would be disqualifying. For policy reasons I still wouldn't want to see him on the court, but the absence of a mea culpa for what appears to me to be egregious long-ago behavior renders him utterly unfit.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2018 12:54 pm 
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The whole Kav thing just reminds me of the Two Minutes Hate from Orwell's 1984. Any time they spam something controversial like this on every channel, every platform, all I can do is wonder what laws congress is changing or what country we are invading while everyone screams at their screen. Maybe I'm getting a little too tinfoil-hatted here...

It just seems pretty intentional that they want everyone looking at one thing, all at once.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2018 6:33 pm 
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I agree, and I suspect the Republican Party likes it that way. While Trump is busy making a dick of himself on the world stage, they're quietly carrying out their agenda while nobody's looking.

I see they confirmed this guy today. Sigh. RBG, you're not allowed to die for at least three years ...

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