The Childfree Life

Oh how painful!

I happen to still be FB friends with a man, call him Fred, who I always think of as the great love of my life. I met him when I was 21, and he was the most gloriously attractive man I had ever met. We never actually had a steady relationship, but there was always a sense that we were meant for each other. I haven't seen or spoken to him in 20 years, since before I met RogerRabbit. It was still nice to know he was out there, and every now and then I'd think if something happened and I was alone...we could maybe have a final geriatric romance.

So a link to a video of a lecture Fred gave turned up on my FB feed, and I start to watch. Oh My GAWD he looks awful. He has aged so badly, probably 80 lbs overweight, dissipated looking...Crap, I am so lucky I let that one get away!

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"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."

<Cue Garth Brooks' "Unanswered Prayers">

I've never really followed up with any old loves. My problem is, even to this day, I (platonically) "fall in love" with nearly every woman I know.

Hair stylist...in love...previous hair stylist...in love...half my coworkers...yep, in love...brother's wife...you guessed it, in love...manager at previous job...uh-huh (and she gave definite vibes the feeling was mutual)...our mail carrier...such a sweetheart...Sally Field...still cute and sexy and probably 70...can't help it!

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"There is no bad weather, only bad clothes." - Unknown

I don't have any ones 'that got away', plenty I 'threw back' though!

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Too bright to breed

I sort of agree, except I have been involved with some really wonderful, interesting, attractive blokes. I guess, due to not needing to think "Will he support me and father my children?" I wasn't much bothered about finding Mr. Right -- it was much more a case of Mr. Right Now. Being able to break things off when they stopped being fun means avoiding acrimony and recriminations. I tend to avoid drama in my relationships too. So I am actually still FB friends or otherwise in contact with quite a number of exes! I'd still happily meet up with quite a few of them (others, not so much!).

If their photos are anything to go by, there's a fair number that have aged pretty well. Perhaps somewhat odd statistically, I'd reckon that well over 50% of the guys I've been involved with never had children.

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"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."

I can't think of anything worse than being stuck in a relationship with someone you're not feeling any more, simply because you have kids and it's too tangled up to leave. I'm also eternally grateful that knowing early on that I didn't want kids, took that whole "father of my children" thing right out of the equation.

I'm not in any meaningful sort of contact with any of my exes, and I'm totally fine with that.

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Some people meditate. Some people caffeinate and vegetate.

An ex of mine (high school sweetheart) just posted a pic on Facebook of him with his current girlfriend, 30-something weeks pregnant. All I could think was “better you than me, dude!”

I certainly don’t think of him as “one that got away” (the relationship had clearly run its course, and I was the one who initiated the breakup), but it does make me wonder if he’d resent not having kids if we had stayed together.

He had told me he was fine with not having kids, but it wasn’t something we really discussed at length (we were only ages 17-19 when we were dating).

I’m just glad I’m with someone now who most certainly shares my views on children!

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“I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money?” -Homer Simpson

^Update: my ex and his wife made what is seriously one of the ugliest babies I’ve ever seen. It’s...a couple months old, maybe? (the ex and I are friends on Facebook, but other than that we don’t really communicate) and it still looks like a weird alien.

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“I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money?” -Homer Simpson