The Childfree Life

When having it all, means not having kids
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2019 4:14 pm 
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Wasn't quite sure what to title this one, but it's kind of like those, "Things People In Relationships Will Understand" topics.

Years ago, when we were first married, we were going to the movies and my wife suggested something animated, probably Beauty And The Beast or something like that.

I said I didn't want to see that and when she asked why not, I cracked, "Because I'm not in third grade," meaning "cartoons are for kids."

Here's the thing: I only said that to make a joke. The joke was there, I took it. It was just a wisecrack. I have no problem with animated movies, as long as it's a good story.

Well, that was probably 25+ years ago, and now, every time we try to decide on a movie to watch, she'll mention wistfully some animated thing she wants to watch, but then she'll add, "...but I can watch that some other tone; you don't like animated movies."

Here's more of the thing: it'll be a movie I would enjoy watching, but since I said I don't like animated movies, I'm kind of stuck. I can't backtrack without being called on it, and so I have to try and convince my wife that, yes, while I don't like animated movies, I'm willing to be a helluva guy and sit through this because I know *you* really want to see it.

Tonight, she mentioned Incredibles 2. I'd like to see that (Holly Hunter's voice is pretty damn hot, even in a cartoon). I secretly enjoyed the first one. It's got a superhero theme, which I enjoy. But because of a wisecrack I made nearly three decades ago, I'm screwed.

Ahhhh, the price of saving face in a relationship. :lol:

Any other situations/stories like this?

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 4:52 am 
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That's hilarious, CarryOn. You and Mrs. CO have quite the fun and interesting dynamic.

I don't have anything equivalent to what you are describing but I do ponder the differences in how people communicate and how this drives their interpersonal dynamic.

One thing with me and my man... I tend to be more Type A then he is. A LOT more. I like things done and decided and not dragging on while he is much more relaxed. This manifests itself in small arguments where we both feel right..

For example, he can take months to complete a relatively small home project that can be done is a day or so and any reminder of it is perceived as "nagging" and stresses him out while I marvel about why he won't just FINISH ALREADY and think "How is this nagging? I haven't said anything in WEEKS". We are different that way and this is probably the greatest source of our arguments. I think he is more relaxed about stuff in general.... messier, less stressed.... while I run around cleaning up crumbs and making sure lunches are packed for the next day.

I also notice, CO, that in your situation, you do the bulk of cooking/cleaning and that is ME in my situation. Sometimes if feels imbalanced but I know if I don't do it, it just won't get done because his needs for order are different from mine.

-Rowan


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 5:24 am 
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I'm sure this is common......we don't use each others first names.

Mr LaT has never called me by my first name (it's always been my surname) so much so that if we're in company and he's trying to get my attention and therefore has to use my first name, I often don't recognise it or even hear it. It's as though he's talking to someone else and therefore I ignore him.

I just call him some kind of pet name e.g. petal, pikelet, scone-head or somesuch.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 5:24 am 
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We have a little of that going on. MrsCO is good a reminding me of things that need to be done *right now* but procrastinated with her stuff, and to me, if you ask once, you're asking. If you ask twice, you're nagging. :)

We have a decorative fence, about three car lengths long. It's wrapped in Christmas lights, probably 25 strands. Every day that I go somewhere, when I get back, I take off one strand. Eventually, it'll get done.

Why don't I do it all at once? Because it's a PITA to stand out there and unplug and wrap up 25 strands of lights in one go, but every couple of days, she'll "remind" me that they're still out there, and my response usually is, "I'm getting to them, and nothing's stopping you from doing it..."

And yes, I do 100% of the cooking and cleaning and dog feeding (a major chore in itself with a senior dog) and it's a frequent point of contention.


@LaT - Sconehead, that's a new one! "Hey, Sconehead!" :lol:

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 7:28 am 
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I feel like our entire relationship is built on these types of exchanges, or at least all of our dialogue with each other. Years ago my husband was all hot to buy a new stove (or maybe it was fridge, don’t remember) he insisted we go make the rounds checking out the offerenings & sales at different appliance stores. So we did. We made no appliance purchases or even plans for a purchase, it wasn’t a very productive mission. But we unintentionally walk out with one very small random item at each store. The first one was a garlic press. The second one was a small bag of licorice. The third one was a pack of 3 mechanical pencils. These were just unexpected things for an appliance store to carry, that happened to catch our eye while we were there. So now when one of us asks the other if we have any plans for the weekend a common response is “wel, we’re out of shoe polish so I’m thinking we better head up to Best Buy” And then we both start adding to the list of things we better stock up on at Best Buy that are absolutely not things you’d go to best buy for.

I once mentioned to my husband not to scoop ice using his glass when we first got an ice maker. It only took me mentioning it once for him to make a big show every time he gets ice. Sometimes he will get a glass, bring it out to the living room where we are hanging out, put on a rubber oven mitt and bring one ice cube at a time out from the kitchen to his glass. And he will narrate the entire process as if he is a kitchen safety trainer. Other times he will narrate how he IS scooping the ice with his glass and how he’s holding the glass between his pinky & thumb so that if any glass breaks in the ice he can use his remaining more dexterous fingers to pick it out without even having to put his glass down. It is one of the more ridiculous of his “things” and I can’t not laugh every time. This is all because it annoyed him so bad when I told him not to scoop the ice with his glass, as if he didn’t already know that. This is how we both handle a lot of those types of things. We turn them into a joke and make sure the other one gets their fill of it to make our point.

This is our entire relationship, and that’s barely an exaggeration. 80% of what comes out of our mouths is pure foolishness & nonsense. This is what fills the space & time of our home & shared life.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 9:34 am 
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CO, I know I've said it many times but I think Mrs. CO is Mrs. LP's older half sister she doesn't know about. Every time you post something about her I find myself nodding my head. Rowan, I'm totally the same way as your guy and my wife is the same as you. In her case it's also compounded by anxiety that the meds take the edge off of but that's about it. She she feels like she has to be on top of all things all the time. It can get a bit exhausting (and she hates when I use that word to describe it).

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:40 am 
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My husband and I have a funny sort of tradition. Years ago, we were driving on the way up to the cottage, and we passed this movie theatre in the middle of nowhere. One of the Terminator movies (Salvation maybe? Can't remember) had just come out, and was being advertised outside the movie theatre. As we passed by the theatre, husband started singing the Terminator theme song (dun-dun-dun dun duuun). At the same time, I was looking out the passenger-side window at a field of cows, so I said "Mooooooo!!"

To this day, sometimes one of us will randomly sing the Terminator theme song, and the other always responds by mooing. To an outsider, we look like crazy people.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:43 am 
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Quote:
At the same time, I was looking out the passenger-side window at a field of cows, so I said "Mooooooo!!"
I'm about to tell you the funniest joke ever conceived.

Two cows are standing in a field when a car drives by.

"Moooooo," says the first cow.

The second cow looks at him and says, "Hey! That's what *I* was gonna say!"

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:45 am 
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Ah that reminds me. If we're in the car and he's driving and we get stuck in traffic, I always grab the handle above the passenger door (both hands crossed, so they look like they're tied) and starting shouting 'help, help, I'm being kidnapped'..... keeps me entertained :D

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 09, 2019 10:56 am 
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I can't accompany DH to superhero movies (like the Avengers) because I am so quickly bored by them, I don't care about the plot or characters and my mind wanders, so I end up asking him ludicrous questions after the film ends - like really obvious "who was that?" "what happened...?" The first time he thought was just shitting him but I was dead serious, I had no idea who a major character in one of these movies was supposed to be. :lol: So now he (thankfully) goes to see these alone and I'm off the hook.


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