The Childfree Life

When having it all, means not having kids
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2019 10:16 am 
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I read this gem this morning :

https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/well ... ns-problem

It's good to see that the "blame" for infertility is shifting of women and starting to focus more on men. Interesting that "the most common reason for a couple to seek treatment was male fertility problems " ... guess those swimmers aren't all they're cracked up to be.

Reading further just made me incredibly happy that making an early childfree decision took me off the bullshit roundabout. I didn't have to spend my 20's and 30's dating anything in long pants, and trying desperately to hook anyone half suitable to father my children. I don't sit there and whine about how my ex husband "stole the best years of my life". I'm not trapped in a shitty marriage "staying together for the kids". In fact, I am eternally grateful to have skipped out on the entire process.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2019 1:06 pm 
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I see that article is loaded with the usual bollocks that men who don't want kids are commitment phobic, immature, arrogant, ignorant etc....and the women who want kids, but stay with a bloke who is clearly procrastinating (and therefore it's bleeding obvious he doesn't want them), are hard done to and a victim.

These women give women a bad name, it's always someone else's fault. Of course it's not that they are so breathtakingly arrogant to think their wants and desire to have a kid trumps everything and everybody else and the men in their lives should just do as they're fucking well told and breed on demand.

Let's face it love, if you just sat on your arse hoping that you've been manipulative enough for him to 'put out' and ended up wasting your own time, then you only have yourself to blame.....Why is it these moos will never take responsibility for their own decision to stay, noooo it's always the blokes fault.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2019 1:41 pm 
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This article makes me really glad that my life is defined by a lot more than having kids.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2019 7:22 pm 
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Hear hear!

One of the main reasons I'm childfree is I have seen too many couples stuck together because of children.
I never want to feel like I MUST stay married if I don't want to be.

As for the women who are "victims", I have no sympathy for women who waste time with idiots who aren't on the same page about important issues. I did that when I was young and stupid. After age 25, I wised up and learned to walk away from anyone who gave me a bad feeling. It was liberating.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2019 5:07 am 
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I don't think women can blame men if they don't want to marry and settle down. At the end of the day it's everyone's own decision how they live their life. It's her fault if she stayed too long. Besides that at 38 or 39 when she broke up with him she could have gotten a donor sperm and done IVF. She's made a lot of decisions along the way which has led to where she is. She should accept that.

It will be interesting to see the next couple of generations and their dating styles. At the moment there are so many options for men to hook up with women that I do wonder if that is why a lot of men are putting off marriage. I think there may even be a shift where men/women may not even want to get married. I'm thinking that traditional set up of date, marry, have children may change quite a bit in the coming years.

I'm also thinking that women may find it harder and harder to find someone to settle down with especially if they want a family. I'm happy to watch on the sidelines. I'm very happy I don't have this dreaded time line hanging over my head.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 04, 2019 8:30 am 
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I guess conversely - I've run across plenty of dudes who seem to be gagging to settle down and raise a family. Shouldn't all these dating apps make it that much easier to find those guys, if that's what you want?
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I don't think women can blame men if they don't want to marry and settle down. At the end of the day it's everyone's own decision how they live their life. It's her fault if she stayed too long.
I absolutely agree with this. I can get that she probably liked the guy, and that humans are predisposed to stay in comfortable and familiar situations - but one partner who wants children, paired with one who is at best ambivalent and at worst disinterested, is never going to end well. If you have to badger someone about kids, then that's your cue that you should be moving on, and sooner rather than later.

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 10, 2019 10:36 am 
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I'm glad I figured out the CF option by age 20, too. Partly because it freed me from being stuck in a lifestyle "because it's expected", but also because it freed up my romantic life to be whatever I wanted/needed it to be. People who are looking to procreate (without adopting) are on a definite timeline, and are looking to check certain boxes by certain ages. I didn't have to worry about finding Mr. Right by a certain age, etc. I was free to date people who interested me and figure out the whole adult relationship thing. I actually wound up marrying earlier than I anticipated (almost 30).

Desperation is never attractive, and a LOT of people looking to have kids get really damn desperate. If in some alternate universe I wanted kids, I'd always wonder about the guy's motives. Is he into me, or just looking for a co-parent because he's running out of time?


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