The Childfree Life

When having it all, means not having kids
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 Post subject: Why Bother?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2019 7:29 pm 
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So I know someone who is pregnant with her third child. She has had 4 miscarriages. Her 2 boys are 3 and nearly 2.
She had PPD with the second son and he was not an easy baby compared to the first one.
While she was on maternity leave, my acquaintance told me that she hates not being able to save money.
She also expressed a lot of guilt at putting her 2 boys in daycare so that she could go back to work.

Why would anyone bother to have another child with all of these obstacles? It doesn't make any sense to me.
Obviously, parents can have as many children as they wish. It just bewilders me that someone would struggle though multiple miscarriages, financial instability, and guilt at putting kids in daycare only to have more babies. WTF?

I wonder if parents like this just like having something to complain about in order to seem like martyrs.


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 Post subject: Re: Why Bother?
PostPosted: Fri Oct 25, 2019 10:47 am 
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I have seen similar situations. One woman I have met is much younger than me and the last time that I talked to her in person, she had 4 kids (Two of which were twins). I recently heard that her parents were expecting another set of grandchildren from a sibling of hers. When I expressed my relief to my own mother about the fact that the new baby wasn't coming from the original female because she already had quite a few, I was told that the announcement may have been about her sister expecting, but she (original gal) was currently expecting her sixth. Her husband works what I consider a decent job, but not one I can see sending 6 kids to college with and still being able to retire.

Being cf and not crazy about babies in general, I can't imagine wanting a single kid, so the idea of continuing to have over one or two is a very strange concept to me overall.


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 Post subject: Re: Why Bother?
PostPosted: Fri Oct 25, 2019 11:51 pm 
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What I don't understand is people continuing to have children when they are clearly struggling in different ways.
I could see why a parent may want a maximum of two children but anything more is ridiculous to me.
I come from a family with four kids.


Last edited by LaTormenta on Sat Oct 26, 2019 2:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
Deleted quote, no need to quote the post directly above


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 Post subject: Re: Why Bother?
PostPosted: Sat Oct 26, 2019 2:29 am 
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Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2018 11:34 am
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More than two kids is "a lot" these days in my humble opinion. And no one should have more kids than they want or can handle. Thus, I have zero. :)

I don't know why people keep cranking 'em out when they've seen the stress and strain caused by the ones they already have.


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 Post subject: Re: Why Bother?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2019 7:26 pm 
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Location: Ontario, Canada
I don’t get it either. Of course, I have a really hard time understanding why someone would deliberately have even one kid. I just don’t see the appeal. Parenting sounds horrid.

There are also a startling number of people who don’t necessarily do this on purpose, but who are just careless with birth control, and when they get knocked up, shrug their shoulders and say “Oops!”. Maybe they’re anti-choice, or maybe they’re pro-choice but don’t want an abortion for whatever reason - so they continue the pregnancy.

I’m astounded at the number of seemingly intelligent people out there who just aren’t that careful with birth control. It boggles my mind, but there you have it.


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 Post subject: Re: Why Bother?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 29, 2019 12:11 am 
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Herbaceous, I'm often astounded by the number of people who're careless with birth control, too. Mistakes and failure can happen--that's why the stat sheet from Planned Parenthood lists "perfect use" and "average use" when showing failure rates--but people are surprisingly lax!

I think it's a difference in mindset, deep down. If someone is not CF, pregnancy isn't seen as a bad outcome, so they figure that a kid coming into their life a little early is okay, or that three kids instead of two isn't that bad. It might not be what they want, but they accept it with a strange fatalism. Whereas for someone who's CF, pregnancy is a negative outcome that is simply not acceptable, and they will do what is needed to keep it from happening, full stop.


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 Post subject: Re: Why Bother?
PostPosted: Wed Oct 30, 2019 12:19 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2018 12:48 pm
Posts: 90
This is something that has boggled my mind ever since I was old enough to comprehend what was going on. People who are already in dire straits, financially and otherwise, regardless of their age, regardless of having no room for another child will just keep on spitting them out. I know a lot of breeders are of the mind that if there is a large age disparity between their replicants, (like say the oldest is late teens-early 20's and the others are teens and/or preteens when the latest contraceptive failure arrives) then they will have built in baby sitters to whom they can abdicate the child rearing. As much as you hear about teen pregnancy (which continues to be a huge issue) there is the mirror image of that which rarely gets talked about. And that is when mom and dad fuck up (literally) and their other kids are basically stuck raising their parents' contraceptive failures. The line from Forrest Gump sums up breeders perfectly. Stupid is as stupid does.


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 Post subject: Re: Why Bother?
PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2019 10:36 pm 
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If a second child resulted in financial instability as well as a mood disorder which could result in suicide, then it would stand to reason that having another child would not be the best choice to make. The pregnant mother I am speaking of also complained about barely working the last few years because of her kids. Make it make sense...


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 Post subject: Re: Why Bother?
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2019 5:50 am 
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I agree with Tempest. It's a different mindset. On my FB newsfeed a bank had an article called "Are you financial ready to have kids?" and I couldn't believe the angry comments people made because anyone would dare to suggest not having a baby until you can afford it. I was baffled because the advice made perfect sense to me but I think when you are not CF, you feel a baby is a blessing regardless, and you have to have a baby in order to make your life complete and have purpose and yada yada yada so who cares about not having money in the bank? Hard to wrap my head around.


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 Post subject: Re: Why Bother?
PostPosted: Tue Dec 31, 2019 8:41 pm 
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Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2018 11:34 am
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A conversation with a friend reminded me of this thread. She brought up a mutual friend from college, and apparently in their last talk Mutual Friend mentioned that she was so wiped out from her first three kids that raising her fourth was/is even more exhausting. Friend and I have a schadenfreude-rich discussion which was basically, "So why DID she have that fourth kid? She knew this going in! etc etc".

Mutual Friend's kid is now eight or nine. Mutual Friend's oldest is a senior in high school. So she's got another decade of parenting ahead of her, and she's in her mid to late forties. Ooof.


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