The Childfree Life

When having it all, means not having kids
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 Post subject: SAHM
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2019 7:03 am 
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It really bothers me that SAHM's say that this is their employment or job or work. Employment is 'paid work'. Being a SAHM is a lifestyle choice. The woman is unemployed and has chosen to be a mother.

The fact that they do unpaid work in the home is irrelevant. We all have household chores to do. This is not our employment it's what you do to function as an adult. They are chores not employment. It would be like a working mother saying she has two jobs, do you ever hear that, no.

The so called most important job in the world crap is so stupid. I am not against women choosing to be a SAHM. If that is what they want to do then go for it. For me, it's a lifestyle choice, nothing more.


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 Post subject: Re: SAHM
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2019 7:25 am 
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I totally agree it's bollocks, I can't say it bothers me because it's just reinforcing my view that they're a bunch of sad sacks who have to big themselves up to rationalise the crap choice they made....and all that does it make them pitiful.

All this shite about being ; a nurse, a chauffeur, a chef, blah fucking blah....We've all said so many times, sticking on a plaster does not make you a medical professional, driving your car with a passenger in it doesn't make you a professional driver and you're not doing anything that the rest of the adult population are doing kids or no kids.

What they're really saying is, 'since I had kids I'm now so lacking in any sense of my own identity that I've got to make shit up to give myself one and make myself feel important'

They're not doing anything that anyone who has responsibility for themselves does and I don't hear unpaid volunteers in any sector talking about it being their job.

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 Post subject: Re: SAHM
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2019 7:39 pm 
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So true Latormenta. They get so upset if you say it's not a job and I don't understand that.

I have often said that about volunteers as well. If someone said to you I work at the hospital, you would think it was their job and they got paid. If they then said I go in when I want and I don't get paid but I enjoy it you would actually think they are a little bit nuts to be portraying that as their job. Straight away people would know it is volunteer work. People that volunteer say 'I volunteer'. People that have employment say it's their job or career.

I just don't understand this mindset. If they enjoy being a SAHM so much and believe in their choice then I don't understand why they don't own it. Someone says what do you do, answer I am a SAHM. They ask do you work, answer no, I've taken time out of the workforce to raise my children. What is so hard about that, if you are proud of it then own it, don't run around saying your job is raising your children.

I had to laugh the other day on a unrelated forum someone was asking what people's daily tasks look like and a few SAHM's answered. I get the children up, feed them, take them to school, rest, pick them up, take them to soccer, get dinner ready, I'm so exhausted by 8pm. They were trying to make out that their day was so busy and I couldn't help but laugh at how cruisy their days are. Some people are doing that and raising kids. Some people do far more and don't have kids. We all have houses we clean and meals we cook, that doesn't make a day busy.


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 Post subject: Re: SAHM
PostPosted: Thu Sep 26, 2019 12:31 am 
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I don't know how any SAHM with school age kids dare complain about being 'so busy', they've got 6-7 hours a day to herself when the kids aren't even there, that's plenty of time to be doing the chores. It's not as though you have to do everything everyday and I've found most chores, once you actually get off your arse and do them, don't take that long....how long does it take to shove a load into the washing machine.

I've also found it's these self same ones complaining about how lonely and isolated they are, if you're that busy how do you have time to feel lonely? Or, here's an idea, get off your bum and do something about it, cultivate some friendships, do a class, join a club....Don't expect a posse of bessie mates just to spontaneously materialise in your living room.

At the risk of being sexist, I have yet to find a SAHD moan about the same stuff, the ones I've known have done a great job at seeing to the kids and chores and still have plenty of time for their own pursuits. What they don't seem to be doing is spending interminable amounts of time on social media telling anyone, who can be bothered to read, what a martyr they are,...(I knew one group of SAHDs who used to play golf twice a week, pack the kids off to school, go to the golf course, play for three hours and then back home to prep dinner and pick up the kids....no drama whatsoever).

Although what I think is worse than the martyrdom of the SAHM is the martyrdom of the working mum, who bleats and whines constantly about how 'guilty' she feels (as she heads out for another business dinner or unnecessary overnight/international trip). I guess I just had more exposure to these through work than I have known SAHMs, really there's no reason why me and a SAHM would ever cross paths.

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 Post subject: Re: SAHM
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2019 7:08 pm 
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Funny that is one more thing I should add to for reasons I enjoy not having kids, no guilt. Imagine feeling guilty over everything you do.

I agree about the SAHD's though. I only know a couple of people and they speak about it really positively, they seem to be out and about a lot more. They don't get caught up with all the other emotional garbage that goes with it. In fact I never hear the dad's at work say they feel guilty either.


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 Post subject: Re: SAHM
PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2019 7:48 am 
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I just read a recent study where girls whose mothers worked outside the home grow up to be more successful themselves and earn more. I agree with the poster who said it is not a job to be a SAHM but rather a lifestyle choice. I know it is exhausting to look after a newborn or toddler but once kids go to school I don't get why they need a SAHM. It's quite risky for any woman to let her skills grow obsolete and not have money that's her own, to be financially reliant on someone else. Overall it's simply a choice I will never fully understand.


Last edited by Laces on Tue Oct 15, 2019 2:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: SAHM
PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2019 3:23 pm 
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My cousin was a SAHM. But when the youngest started school she went back to work. if you're going to do it, that seems like the sensible way.

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 Post subject: Re: SAHM
PostPosted: Fri Oct 18, 2019 12:44 am 
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I try my best not to devalue the work that SAHMs do because I have worked as a childminder. Looking after children is very hard work. Believe it or not, it can be difficult to keep a house clean, cook meals, and look after a small child or god forbid more than one. This is because infants and little children need constant supervision as well as stimulation. It is physically and emotionally exhausting. Childcare is even worse whilst being responsible for high needs infants and small children with disabilities.

I also think it's unhealthy to put women in boxes and preach that only some lifestyle choices are worthwhile for us.


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 Post subject: Re: SAHM
PostPosted: Fri Oct 18, 2019 1:06 am 
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Quote:
I try my best not to devalue the work that SAHMs do because I have worked as a childminder. Looking after children is very hard work.
I don't think anyone is denying that it's hard work (that's one of the many, many reasons cited for not wanting kids), what we are disputing is that it's a 'job'. It's not a job it's something they volunteered to do and I don't think anyone decried their choice. Also they're not doing anything in addition to that of working mums, but SAHMs have a LOT more free time in which to do it.

Childminders are paid for their work i.e. it's a job, if you had volunteered to mind children then it wouldn't be a job.

Where did anyone 'preach' about worthwhile lifestyle choices, I think you're responding to something that hasn't actually been written and you've strained what has been said through your own filters. The comments that have been made are in relation to the SAHMs who claim that the role they chose is a job i.e. the equivalent of paid professionals.

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 Post subject: Re: SAHM
PostPosted: Fri Oct 18, 2019 1:50 am 
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Quote:
I also think it's unhealthy to put women in boxes and preach that only some lifestyle choices are worthwhile for us.
Maybe you should be saying that to all the people who view women as baby making factories and that their role is to raise children...

I'm inferring from your comment you think that is what some of the comments have done i.e. been preachy, put women in boxes and decided what is a worthy lifestyle choice, I don't think any of the posts did (although I feel your post certainly had a distinct whiff of 'preach' and admonishment).
But, seeing as this is a CF site, I think it's pretty evident that the choice to be a SAHM has most definitely not been seen as a worthwhile choice for the site's female members. I also think, owing to the nature of this forum, it's not unreasonable to expect a dim view to be taken of the women who vocally martyr themselves on the cross of motherhood as though they've been forced into it.

If someone wants to stay at home and raise kids, whether that's at the taxpayer or the partner's expense, then have it...just don't expect to be hero worshipped for something you chose to do and especially when someone else is picking up the tab for that choice.

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